Ranking the Bleach Captains by How Concerning Their Workplace Behavior Is

Spoilers for Bleach through Thousand-Year Blood War.

Normally, if I say a boss has concerning workplace behavior, I mean they drink on the job, yell at employees, or keep scheduling meetings that absolutely could’ve been emails.

Bleach does not operate on that scale.

One captain got promoted by killing the last guy. Another turned members of his own division into bombs. The nice hospital captain used to be one of the most infamous killers Soul Society ever produced. So yeah, HR’s gonna need backup.

Since the Gotei 13 has thirteen divisions, we’re doing Bleach captains ranked from least to most concerning.. Current captains, former captains, traitors, whatever. You wore the haori and somebody had to call you Captain? You’re eligible.

For the ranking, I’m looking at how they use their authority, how they treat the people under them, what kind of division they run, and how fast I’d start updating my résumé after finding out they were my new boss.

Starting with number thirteen, which happens to be the captain of Squad 13.

I didn’t plan that. I’m absolutely taking it.

13. Jūshirō Ukitake

Getting Ukitake as your captain might actually make your life better.

That’s rare here.

He cares about his people, they clearly care about him, and he’s not walking around using rank as an excuse to make everybody else’s day worse.

Honestly, the employee I’m most worried about in Squad 13 is Ukitake.

Sir, you’re sick. Go home.

The rest of the Gotei has murderers, mad scientists, and whatever the hell Squad 11 is doing. Nobody needs you dragging yourself into another captain meeting sounding like your lungs are trying to clock out before you do.

If Yamamoto sends an email, let somebody else answer it.

I’d happily take Squad 13.

Which is nice, because this is probably the last time I’m saying that without several conditions attached.

Workplace Concern Level: Please Use Your PTO

12. Sajin Komamura

Komamura is another one where I’d be mostly fine.

He cares about Squad 7. He respects Iba. He isn’t using his division to work through some centuries-old personal issue or testing experimental substances on anybody before lunch, so we’re already clearing bars that shouldn’t even exist.

What makes me nervous is how hard he rides for Yamamoto and Soul Society as an institution.

That sounds good until you remember Soul Society’s the same place that can go, “Hey, we’re executing this person,” under increasingly weird circumstances and half the room still needs Ichigo to physically break into the city before anybody starts asking enough questions.

Komamura does question things eventually. He’s not mindless about it.

Still, I can absolutely picture Central 46 sending him the most suspicious order you’ve ever seen and Komamura getting halfway through the official memo before going, “Hold on.”

Brother, I needed you at paragraph one.

But compared to the people we’re getting to?

Yeah, you’re good.

Workplace Concern Level: Maybe Question Management A Little Sooner

11. Kisuke Urahara

Kisuke feels like he’d be a fun boss right up until you learn who he hires.

This man created the Soul Reaper Research and Development Institute and then went looking for talent in the Maggot’s Nest.

And found Mayuri.

Kisuke, what did you see? Seriously.

You didn’t meet Mayuri at some science convention, think he seemed a little weird, and find out six months later that something was off.

You found this man in the place Soul Society keeps people it considers dangerous and somehow came away thinking, you know what he needs? Better equipment.

You started at dangerous prisoner and worked backward into maybe I should give him a laboratory.

Kisuke, be serious.

To his credit, though, we don’t really see him treating his own people horribly. Hiyori can yell directly into his face with her whole chest and he’s basically like, yeah, fair enough.

His bigger problem is information. Kisuke always knows something, usually several somethings, and one of them somehow won’t get mentioned until everybody’s already trapped in whatever fresh nonsense is happening.

And there’s always another detail. Never anything normal either.

It’s never, “Oh, by the way, lunch is at two.” It’s some shit that completely changes what everybody thought was happening.

KISUKE. You had this information yesterday.

Workplace Concern Level: WHY WAS THAT NOT IN THE BRIEFING?

10. Soi Fon

I wouldn’t make it long under Soi Fon.

Not because she isn’t good at her job. That’s actually part of the problem.

She’s extremely good at her job and expects everyone around her to operate somewhere near that same level, which sounds exhausting before we even get to Omaeda.

Omaeda gets insulted, hit, yelled at, dragged into shit, and generally treated like Soul Society assigned Soi Fon one lieutenant and one object to take her frustration out on and accidentally made them the same person.

And yes, it’s Omaeda. I know.

Still can’t just hit your lieutenant.

I think.

Every time I try to apply normal workplace rules to this organization, Bleach makes me feel stupid.

Then there’s the fact that Soi Fon isn’t only running Squad 2. She’s also Commander-in-Chief of the Onmitsukidō, so assassination isn’t even extracurricular.

That’s work.

There’s probably a section of the onboarding packet where the tone changes REAL fast.

Workplace Concern Level: The Team-Building Exercise Has Casualties

9. Shunsui Kyōraku

Squad 8 Shunsui is honestly kind of comforting. He drinks at work, naps, wanders around, and leaves Nanao standing there with paperwork wondering why this became her life.

Regular boss problems. Beautiful.

Then he becomes Captain-Commander and you remember this man’s way more dangerous than the sandals and sake make him look.

Shunsui will make an ugly decision if he thinks Soul Society needs it. When Unohana and Zaraki need to train, he knows exactly what that means. This isn’t two captains going downstairs for a sparring session and coming back sore.

One of them isn’t coming back.

Then the Quincy invasion gets bad enough and Shunsui decides Soul Society needs Aizen.

Aizen.

Imagine being in that meeting. Somebody says, “We’re out of options,” and your boss responds by unlocking one of the worst people Soul Society has ever dealt with.

And the annoying part is, sometimes Shunsui’s right.

He’ll touch the button marked DO NOT TOUCH THIS BUTTON if everything outside the room is somehow worse, which is not a leadership style I want anywhere near my performance review.

Workplace Concern Level: The Fun Boss Has Access To Nuclear Codes

8. Byakuya Kuchiki

Byakuya’s office is probably immaculate.

No paperwork out of place, nobody late, everybody knows the rules. You definitely know the rules. You may know nothing else, but by God you’re learning those rules.

Early Byakuya is so committed to law, noble responsibility, rank, and promises he’s made that Rukia can be sentenced to execution and he’s prepared to stand there and let it happen.

His sister.

That’s obviously bigger than a regular Squad 6 workplace issue, but it tells me plenty about early Byakuya. If a rule and an actual person end up fighting for priority around him, the person is having a terrible day.

Renji also finds out exactly what happens when you directly challenge Byakuya’s authority. And yes, Byakuya changes a LOT as the series goes on. Later Byakuya is a different conversation.

The version we meet?

I’d be reading the Squad 6 handbook with a highlighter, sticky notes, and legal representation.

Your boss isn’t gonna throw a chair at you.

Your boss is gonna calmly explain why the chair crushing you is permitted under subsection four.

Somehow worse.

Workplace Concern Level: The Employee Handbook Has Bankai

7. Kaname Tōsen

Tōsen gets concerning because Hisagi actually has reasons to respect him.

This isn’t some captain everybody secretly hates while pretending otherwise. Tōsen is Hisagi’s mentor. He helps shape how Hisagi thinks about fear, violence, justice, and what it means to carry a sword.

Then Tōsen joins Aizen.

Imagine finding out your mentor joined the coup.

You haven’t even finished breakfast.

And because Tōsen spends so much of his life talking about justice, Hisagi gets stuck sorting through what parts of that mentorship were real and what parts he can even keep believing.

That’s a hell of a thing to inherit from your boss.

Hisagi needed a vacation after this.

Honestly, half the lieutenants need a group rate somewhere.

Workplace Concern Level: Your Mentor Joined The Coup

6. Gin Ichimaru

I’m not waiting for Gin to do anything.

If Gin Ichimaru becomes my captain at 9:00, I’m on Indeed at 9:04.

I don’t need evidence yet. I’m trusting my instincts.

This man spends years smiling at people like he knows something terrible they don’t, and somehow the smile makes it worse every single time.

Imagine this being the guy who calls you into his office.

“No, no, close the door.”

Absolutely not.

Izuru gets attached to him anyway because apparently Bleach looked at its lieutenant roster and decided none of these people deserved a healthy relationship with management.

Then Aizen makes his move and Gin leaves with him. Cool. Now Izuru gets to find out his already deeply suspicious captain’s secretly been working with the man attempting to overthrow Soul Society.

Except that’s not even the full story, because Gin’s got his own plan running underneath Aizen’s plan.

Of course he does.

I’m tired.

Workplace Concern Level: Never Attend A One-On-One Meeting Alone

5. Kenpachi Zaraki

Okay, from here on out, I don’t think a normal HR department can help us.

Kenpachi became captain of Squad 11 by killing the previous captain in front of the division, which is already insane.

Then you remember he didn’t actually break any rules doing that.

THAT WAS ONE OF THE WAYS TO GET THE JOB.

I’m sorry?

Kenpachi didn’t break into the office, kill upper management, and seize the building. He completed the alternative promotion route.

Soul Society has a legitimate career path that basically goes:

Kill your boss. Become your boss.

What am I supposed to report? The organization already knows. They made the rule.

HR hates this one weird trick.

And then Squad 11 makes this even funnier because his people fucking love it there.

This entire division is Fight Club with government benefits. They want to fight. They want to get stronger. Their captain’s constantly looking for somebody strong enough to give him the best day of his life by almost killing him.

Morale’s fantastic.

I don’t know about dental.

Kenpachi’s somehow built an unbelievably dangerous workplace while also giving his employees exactly the workplace they apparently wanted.

That’s the only reason this man is number five.

I can’t call it a toxic work culture when everybody keeps showing up excited.

Workplace Concern Level: Five Stars On Glassdoor, Several Missing Teeth

4. Retsu Unohana

Okay.

So.

Captain Unohana runs Squad 4.

She’s calm. She’s polite. She heals everybody. She likes flower arranging. She’s got that little smile that makes an entire room suddenly remember their manners.

For years, that’s funny.

Then Thousand-Year Blood War explains that apparently everyone had survival instincts.

Retsu Unohana is Yachiru Unohana, the first Kenpachi and one of the most infamous killers Soul Society ever produced.

The woman running Soul Society’s healthcare system used to wander around looking for people strong enough to entertain her before killing them. She learned healing because if you can heal somebody, the fight doesn’t have to end.

That’s why she learned medicine.

I’m just gonna leave that there for a second.

Anyway, Yamamoto apparently went, “You know what she should run?”

Healthcare.

WHO MADE THAT CALL?

And somehow this isn’t even a bad decision in practice because Unohana becomes an incredible healer and apparently runs Squad 4 just fine.

Her people respect her. She saves lives. If you’ve just been folded into a shape the human body was never supposed to make, seeing Unohana coming toward you is probably wonderful news.

That’s the only reason she’s at four.

Then Shunsui decides Zaraki needs to unlock his actual strength and sends him to train with her. Except Unohana’s idea of training is killing him almost all the way, healing him, doing it again, and repeating that process until he becomes the Zaraki she remembers.

Then he kills her.

This is an official work assignment. No, seriously. They scheduled this.

Workplace Concern Level: The Healer Has A Body Count

3. Sōsuke Aizen

Aizen might be the worst actual boss here.

Not the worst person on this list, but as a boss? Yeah, he’s horrifying.

Because people actually like this man.

He’s kind. Calm. Smart. Helpful. Momo absolutely adores him, and other Soul Reapers trust him because he’s spent years building this image of somebody safe and dependable.

Then you find out the nice captain thing was part of the weapon.

Momo finding his fake corpse is already horrible. She completely falls apart over this man.

Then he’s alive.

Then he stabs her.

That’s her fucking boss.

I feel like we can stop there.

Unfortunately, Aizen didn’t.

There’s the Hollowfication experiments, manipulating people inside Soul Society for years, recruiting Gin and Tōsen, setting people against each other, and hiding all of it behind Captain Aizen until he doesn’t need the disguise anymore.

That’s what pushes him this high.

His position isn’t just something he happened to have while doing evil shit. Being a respected captain made the plan easier. Momo trusting him made it easier. People thinking they knew him made it easier.

Aizen weaponized the fact that he seemed like somebody you could trust at work.

May every employee at Squad 5 receive compensation.

Workplace Concern Level: Please Stop Mentoring People

2. Genryūsai Yamamoto

At some point, we have to stop asking why Soul Society keeps hiring lunatics and start looking at the man who keeps giving them haori.

Yamamoto founded the Gotei 13, and the original lineup wasn’t exactly a peaceful public service organization. These were killers, and Unohana was right there with them.

More importantly, Yamamoto knew exactly who she was.

Saying he recruited her “despite” her history doesn’t even sound right because her being terrifying was part of the appeal.

Unohana wasn’t a hiring mistake.

She was the hiring strategy.

Which suddenly makes the rest of Soul Society make a little too much sense.

Fast-forward and Kenpachi can kill his boss and inherit the division. Mayuri Kurotsuchi has laboratory funding. Rukia’s execution gets so far that some orange-haired teenager from the World of the Living has to break into Soul Society and start beating sense into management personally.

The building’s got issues.

Now, not every stupid thing Soul Society does is Yamamoto’s personal decision. Central 46 exists. Noble clans exist. Soul Society’s ancient as hell and has systems stacked on systems stacked on “well, we’ve always done it this way.”

But Yamamoto’s still the Captain-Commander.

Eventually, when I keep looking at captains and asking, “Who allowed this?” my eyes start drifting toward the old man.

Then I remember Mayuri’s employed here.

Yamamoto. Bro.

Workplace Concern Level: YOU BUILT THIS

1. Mayuri Kurotsuchi

Yeah, it’s Mayuri.

There was never gonna be anybody else at number one.

Aizen’s a traitor. Unohana used to be one of Soul Society’s most infamous killers. Kenpachi murdered his way into management, and somehow Mayuri still makes everybody else feel like we were discussing normal workplace disagreements.

This man uses members of Squad 12 as living bombs during the Soul Society arc. His own division. Those are his employees, and they run toward Uryū and explode.

What the fuck am I supposed to do with that on a workplace ranking?

And that’s early Mayuri

We’ve still got the Quincy experiments. Sōken Ishida. Nemu being both his creation and lieutenant while Mayuri spends huge stretches of the story treating her like something he owns before anything close to an actual person.

Mayuri’s curiosity sees an ethical line and starts taking measurements, but honestly, the part I can’t get over is how official all of this is.

He’s not secretly committing atrocities in some hidden basement somewhere.

The basement has government funding.

He’s Captain of Squad 12. He runs the Research and Development Institute. There are employees clocking in, laboratories, equipment, and some poor soul somewhere whose job includes seeing MAYURI KUROTSUCHI on a requisition form and approving whatever horrifying thing he’s asking for.

Soul Society has essentially looked at the mad scientist repeatedly violating every conceivable ethical principle and gone:

“Yeah, but his numbers are incredible this quarter.”

Aizen had to pretend to be normal. Kenpachi’s people knowingly signed up for Kenpachi. Unohana spent years running a hospital without turning Squad 4 into Murder Club 2.

Mayuri just shows up looking exactly like Mayuri Kurotsuchi and everybody goes, “Yep. That’s the science department.”

At this point, what’s HR gonna do?

Call him into a meeting?

“The use of employees as explosives doesn’t align with our core values.”

Okay.

Sure.

Workplace Concern Level: Mayuri

Well, that’s all I’ve got. Mayuri isn’t on the scale anymore. He’s what we’re measuring everybody else against.

And honestly, I think that’s the bigger problem. Soul Society doesn’t really have standards. It has useful people.

If Ukitake’s what happens when Soul Society gives you a decent boss, Mayuri’s what happens when the screaming coming from the laboratory gets ignored because the research numbers look good.

Somehow this man’s still employed.

Pull up a chair. Squad 12’s hiring.

I wouldn’t ask why.

Somehow we made it through Soul Society HR. Barely.

And if you somehow came out of this thinking, “Man, Ichigo really had to deal with all of these people,” yeah. We’ve talked about him too.

And for the official Bleach stuff, you can dig through the TYBW character pages here.